The terrible anguish no
tongue can tell
of the dead man who waits
to learn his fate
(he does not know if he
will be taken up to God
or if He will decide to
bury him in Hell):
a torment like this afflicts
my soul,
not knowing what God has
ordained for you:
your good or ill will also
be mine.
Whichever it is, I shall
suffer it too.
You, spirit, who have taken
leave
of that body I have loved
so much,
can you see me suffering
here?
I want to speak to you,
yet am afraid to:
everything I have to say
depends
on the place your soul
inhabits.
Through you I will attain
joy or sadness:
God disposes for me the
fate that is already yours.
In vain I press my hands
together in prayer:
all that could happen to
her has come to pass.
If she is in Heaven, her
joy is ineffable:
if in Hell, then all prayers
are in vain.
If that is the case, annihilate
my soul:
may all my being be returned
to nothingness,
especially if she is there
because of me.
Let me not be stricken
with such pain as that.
What words, once spoken,
do not seem useless?
My cries and my silence,
both are futile.
I clear my mind, or let
it fill with thoughts: in vain.
I regret everything I do,
even before I do it.
So great are my fears she
is in torment
I scarcely feel the pain
of my own lost pleasure.
Eternal torment makes nothing
of our pain
and I fear this is the
punishment she earned.
Nothing we fear more than
death,
impartial with us all,
but no less
dreadful. Oh pain, be kind:
be my shield against forgetting.
Pierce my heart and seize
all my senses.
Spend all your rage: I
will offer no defence.
So hurt me that everyone
will grieve.
Let your power do all it
can in me.
You, spirit, if nothing
prevents you,
break the customs of the
dead:
come back to the world,
and tell me your fate.
I shall have no fear at
the sight of you.